Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
