Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
