I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
