Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You are the jesus of drinking
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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