Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
