You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
