what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
