Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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