you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I did not marry a roomba.
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