i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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