Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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