Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
