So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
