She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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