can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
