If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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