Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I wish there were birth control emojis
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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