so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
