State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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