He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
