I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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