I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
