I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
