Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
