I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated