Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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