2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
