I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
