Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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