I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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