do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
