glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
