This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
