ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
