Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
