i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
as a side note pls kill me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
