This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
