Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
