i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
