chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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