just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
