dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
