hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
