i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
