..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need a beard to bite.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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