i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
