I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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