i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
