help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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