Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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