I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
