I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
