It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
