he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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