I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize