my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
