another moral hangover. fuck.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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