You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have demons in me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
