im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
