im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
