The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
