I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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