ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
