The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
