I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
