Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
