Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
