I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
