Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i came on her dog
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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