I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Let's get the cat blown out
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
