cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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