My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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