You're completely useless in the revolution.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
