i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
