I feel great
I just peed on a car
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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